He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
