Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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