you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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