I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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