I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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