I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
