Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
