My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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