but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
