just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
