OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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