Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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