I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
