Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
