I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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