I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
