did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
