Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants