i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.