The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.