summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....