What a fucking waste of an outfit
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years