i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table