the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
