alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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