I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
