I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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