He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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