We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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