the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
