Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
