i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
