I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
