That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
