Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
