Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
