saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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