I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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