someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
