Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
