yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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