She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
