Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
