The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
