I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
