the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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