ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
