Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
