First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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