my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
