yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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