Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
