I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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