Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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