Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
