TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
