Umm I'm too high to move.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
