My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was like giving head to a cactus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
