In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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