Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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