The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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