oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
