It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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