if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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