Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
