I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
