I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
