I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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