i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
