Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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